As I much as I hate to write about my past, every story has a beginning and mine must also. Their are many beginnings in our lives, most people refer to these times as "rebirth", but I am talking about the ultimate beginning, the moment that we born. The moment that our eyes open and our souls innocence is lost forever.

I know, I have a grim way of looking at things, but this is my story and I can tell it however I want. I was born on October 17th in a place whose name I will not launch over the internet. But I will say it was in Middle East. My mother belonged to a long line of politicians and my father...well, I don't know much about him. I don't think he was very rich, although his father had land... I think. It was an arranged marriage as was the custom in my country at the time (and still is for members of my family). I am not saying arranged marriages are bad, not at all, my parents were... as happy as any married couple is.

My mother moved into my fathers family home. He lived with his parents and all of his siblings. You can only imagine what that's like. The best way to describe it:
-its a new family
-a family that wants you to forget your old family
-a family that wants you treat them with respect
-a family that has no respect for you
-they only act as family when they need something
-they're better than you
... you get the point, eh?

I hate to justify myself, but I will since I don't want these arranged marriages people jumping on my ass. NOT EVERYONE who moves in with a family is unhappy, not everyone moves in with the family, most arranged marriages go just as amazingly as "love" ones.

To be fair, marriages just isn't something I'm very fond of at the moment.

I'm sure my father isn't too happy with me, considering I don't even know his name, but in a society where a woman marries another man after her husbands death, well, talking about the first husband isn't a great idea. I'm not saying that my step father is inconsiderate, its just the way society is I guess. There are other factors as well... So, here is the beginning:

I've often heard that everyone gets a "happily ever after." I'm not sure whether this expression is true or not, since I have yet to live longer and my story isn't finished. But I do know that sometimes life brings, no drags you to a place where you don't want to be. A place that has no escape, you can't go back and you can't keep going.

there are two types of people in the world: those who give pain and those whose burden is pain. People who inflict pain on others do so very easily, almost without thought. While those on the receiving end continue to be abused without question. Sometimes, in the darkest hours of the night, I lay awake and wonder to myself: does betrayal have a limit? From what I have seen in life, I don't think it does.

I've often wondered what the most beautiful and sacred relationship for humanity is. I'd say its the mother. A mother loves and nurtures a child when no one else does... Well, in most cases. But there are mothers without hearts. And i think they are the most cursed of Gods' creations.


TO BE CONTINUED

Ayn al-Qozat Hamadani

Fragment
O would that the eye
had never seen
her face
that the heart
had never shared
the sin
of the eye!

The Eternal Thirst
Long as I live I'll wat and drink
the sorrow of loving you
nor will I surrender it, this sorrow
to anyone when I am dead.
Tomorrow
when resurrection comes
I'll walk forth with this raging thirst
still in my head.

Impossible- Attar
Invisible:
how can I see your face
untouched
wrapped in yourself?
Who
will show me the way?
You have no homeland...
Who
will tell me news of one
beyond all speech?
Who are you
lord, soul boundlessly perfect;
how
can i describe the indescribable?
Never
a jewel bought or sold
more perfect than you:
ocean
can not contain you
have you risen from its deep...
Why
do you sit on your pavillion
destroying
those who love but can not enter
overwhelming
conquering the soul?

Sarmad
My Sins
Forget this
tormenting guilt
over your misdeeds:
His Eye of Mercy
loves the beauty
of sin.

 Things I want in Life:
-Go to Med School and graduate to become an ER Physician
-Help people
-Educate those whose societies still blame them for their uncessful births, i want to show these people that they are not below anyone else. We as humans are all equals. I want to build a school and hospital in a third world country.
-Travel the world with a charity organization
-Work for the Army
-learn more languages, including sign language
-take a course about greek mythology

-Learn more of human nature

-study different religions, the human need for belief and the science of death

---

 

What makes us whole also gives us the ability to be empty. Happiness is admitting that we have known pain and vice versa. Many times in life we are faced with a situation we neither understand nor comprehend. We as human beings are ungrateful, non deserving beings. Who created us? Who watches over us if anyone at all? Does our existence somehow mandate the existence of something, someone bigger. God, they tell me. Faith, they try to shove down my throat. They silently place traps on my path and then watch as I come back to their "faith". They tell me that with faith all things are possible. I have finally realized that I have been and am being lied to. Faith does not mean that all things are possible, faith only gives hope. Hope that may or may not be empty. For now, I think I have lost my faith. Faith only gave me comfort. To think that I will one day see those i loved and lost, to think that i will have eternal life. Man is so selfish, he will do anything to live forever. Although, many men have nothing to live for.